Let Death Be Your Guide -or- The Mindset of Mortality

Macabre. Morbid. Dark. Taboo. Frightening. Shocking. Impersonal.

That’s how society thinks of Death… when it allows itself to think of Death… when a short exposure to someone’s serious illness or mortality temporarily intrudes into our consciousness. Death is something that happens to others,… or maybe to us, but in an extremely distant, unimaginable future. Meanwhile, in a false sense of immortality, in a state of willed forgetfulness and denial, we push those thoughts out of our minds. We distract ourselves with daily activities and pursuits that fill our lives with things, little pleasures, complicating and obstructive superfluous “necessities,” stuff, poorly-reasoned endeavors requiring high-energy and resources for the micromanagement of that which is potentially low value and difficult or impossible to control. Of that with which we fill our lives, how much just doesn’t matter? Or worse: harms, hinders, costs, indebts, dishonors us, causes regret?

By attempting to avoid reality, nature, and the ultimately inescapable life cycle, we may create for ourselves an erroneous perspective of our lives and of Life – a disorienting filter, or blinders, that mislead us down errant and poorly-reasoned paths. Our views of reality and our place in the universe become a self-deceptive lens through which we see with a skewed perspective, flawed vision, short-term sight. If what lies in the distance ahead of us cannot be imagined and mapped out, if we do not know even vaguely where we must go, how can we choose a path toward a meaningful destination?

How often do we travel a course in life without thought of where it will lead? What if we thoughtlessly (or purposefully) meander so far down a wayward road that there isn’t time left to correct our direction, to make amends, to create meaning and purpose? How often do we make decisions, large and small, with a limited vision, ignoring a longer term perspective, and without considering the consequences?

Recently, a friend gifted me a book on Native American perspectives – The Lakota Way – wherein Joseph M. Marshall, III, describes a seemingly much healthier view of Death with its rightful role in the life cycle of every living being. As such, it is the great equalizer which unifies us all – animal and man. Death comes for everyone, no matter how “powerful, famous, rich, beautiful, influential, irreverent, or lowly we are.” Death isn’t an enemy, but a friend and guide that “connects all living beings.” It is a “standard for truth against which all others are measured…. [N]othing can compare with its honesty and faithfulness.”

An awareness of our mortality is a tool and guide to cut through noise, distractions, and the appeal of short-term diversions at the expense of long-term fulfilment. These insights reinforce to me that the acknowledgement of our own impending deaths (hopefully distant and painless for us all) provides a perspective that helps us to live well, to choose well, to prioritize, to let go of the uncontrollable, to control only ourselves, to de-clutter our lives, to treat others better, to develop meaningful relationships, to stand for something, to create a positive legacy, to leave this place better than we found it.

Of course, anticipating an impending death, some might say, “eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die.” But this is a very short-term view in which one would attempt to avoid the consequences of his actions. For those that desire to live a long life, it is in their best interest to accumulate positive consequences, build long-term successes, minimize enemies and maximize friends, extend health, avoid waste and poverty, and experience joy over fleeting gratifications.

Although not a specific topic covered on this recent Tom Woods podcast, the mindset of mortality seems part of what was discussed by Tom with Michael Edelstein, PhD, in the episode “How to Conquer Self-Destructive Behavior.” Dr. Edelstein repeats throughout the conversation the distinction between our “needs” and our preferences. We tend to confuse the two, which can lead to poor decision making and misspent emotional energy – if not psychopathology. How often have we raised a personal preference to the level of absolute need, assigning it a false value and importance that causes us unnecessary anxiety, worry and perhaps fixation and torment.

Certainly, we need to eat, clothe and shelter ourselves, avoid physical pain, and deter a premature demise. However, we do not need to have a job that we enjoy, or to get along well with our boss. We may not want to lose a job, but we can typically find another. There may be a particular car, house, phone or shoe that we want, but the degree of importance and the level of acceptable expense that we may assign to that preference is not merited. What about the end of a relationship? Or a required move? Despite our strong personal preferences, what is needed to not only subsist but to thrive may be unrelated to our emotion-laden desires. What we often believe are needs, may merely be personal preferences created with a short-term perspective and infused with a high degree of emotional investment. Recognizing imperfect situations as inconvenient rather than catastrophic by employing a realistic and longer-term perspective, helps us make better decisions and prioritize our emotional energy. These views coincide with a mindset of mortality.

As I work on my own mindset of mortality, I hope to cut through the confusion and emotion of my own decision-making and priority-forming processes. I want to minimize my expenditure of energy, time and resources on what may not be of true significance or value. I want to be more self-aware, to create more meaning and purpose, to appreciate nature’s beauty and order, to sit quietly, to reduce consumption, to keep mindless distractions to a minimum, to foster ideas and ideals of justice and fairness and peace, to encourage and uplift and teach, to try to keep in perspective the daily frustrations and annoyances that are of minor importance, to let go more of what doesn’t matter – physically and emotionally, to recognize and better control my own emotions, to mindfully center myself more often, to foster positive relationships with those that I value, to create a legacy of which I can be proud, to leave the place better than I found it.

I invite you to join me in a mindset of mortality as we defy society’s avoidance of the topic. The denial of death, of our own mortality, is perhaps a sign of our personal and societal dysfunction – a divergence from nature, biology, reality, the universe,.. a psychopathology and self-delusion that impede healthy living, function and interaction. We’re all going to die. We’re all terminally ill from the moment of birth. Let us die well. In the meantime, let us live well in preparation for that eventuality.