I’ve been recently pondering conflict in our lives. The most recent world upheaval is the US-Israel-Iran war which could threaten to destroy much of humanity through escalation and nuclear options. However, I am even more troubled in my daily life with conflicts closer to me.
I have a hypothesis to float regarding substitutions in our lives and how they may often be at the core of interpersonal tensions. I have not done extensive research on this topic. I’m pulling ideas from my half-century (plus) of relationships, religious exposure, and other personal experiences. In recent years, a particular source of thought provocation has been books and podcasts from the likes of Jordan Peterson (psychology), Bret Weinstein and Heather Heying of the Darkhorse podcast and their writings (evolutionary biology), the hoe_math podcast (psychology), and the whatifalthist podcast (history and anthropology).
This morning, the substitution/conflict hypothesis paradigm congealed for me at about 3 am when I was finishing call work at the hospital. While I was waiting for a patient to wake up in the recovery room, I had popped up YouTube TV in the break room and watched part of a hoe_math video on “baby talk.” He asserts that the annoying baby talk and condescension that women can exert on men and their environments are part of the replacement for the female’s inherent need to nurture something. It is their biology, hard-wired. If it does not have an outlet in helpless children, it will be redirected onto persons and things that they consider in need of being nurtured. (Sure, this will be considered offensive to some, but I think the substitution concept is fundamentally true, and likely broadly applicable to all of us and in many ways.)
For how many natural and/or healthy drives and instincts have we made substitutions in our lives, especially in the current digital era? Perhaps asked differently, in how many ways may we have maladapted to our natures or environments? I’m brainstorming:
- Religion, life meaning, personal purpose –> substituting politics, education, government, ideologies, distractions, pleasurable experiences, social media engagement,….
- Women’s nurturing and socialization instincts –> exerting those tendencies on animals, mates, colleagues, classes of “victims,” minorities, migrants, HR departments, political protests; misplacing empathy and assuming that giving certain unfortunates extra liberties and incomes will not make their own and society’s conditions worse, nagging, micro-managing, triangulating relationships behind the scenes to jockey for position, emotionalizing and feminizing the children – especially the boys – that they do give birth to rather than abort (children which are often raised more by government than co-parented with fathers,… and for the women who retort that their kids’ daddies are losers, then how bad is your judgment in your bed buddy selection process?!),…. The video above generalizes the statement from today’s women, “‘I don’t’ want to be just a baby factory,’ then they turned the whole world into babies.”
- Men’s drives for status, control of their environment, material organization, protection of their clan, safe boundaries, societal order –> “toxic masculine” traits (maybe a debatable concept but certainly there are omnipresent examples of physical intimidation, top-down mandates, the sexualization of women – which the women themselves happen to use as a power lever against men), applying too great a value or perception to risks and threats – interpreting them to be much greater than they are (those threats may have been barbarians at the gates – arrived to rape, kidnap, murder and pillage in centuries past – but now the barbarisms may be just differing views, a perceived lack of respect, and minor conflict), over-application of boundaries and controls that do not materially benefit the protected, very rigid political or religious ideas that isolate 99.9% of the population and leave no room for negotiating one’s way through the world,…
- Everybody’s desire to be perceived as successful, happy, attractive, of high status –> buying the car and clothes and lifestyle you can’t afford while living in a mobile home and in massive debt, inflating the resumé to represent self as something greater and more competent than reality supports, precision grooming and physical self-modifications to appear more “together” or as a more attractive mate (think unnecessary testosterone injections and the gym bod for men, face fillers, implants, liposuction, and plastic surgery, etc.), misrepresenting self in social media with filters and unrealistically happy displays for others’ consumption – which is fundamentally dishonest,…. What in the world is even real today?! Are we all insane?
For myself, I recognize that I search for meaning and answers (frustratingly, it seems), have lost professional purpose as a result of the corporate-government takeover of my industry, seek legacy by trying to bridge generations within our discordant family, order my environment by endlessly planting trees on our property and by bookkeeping our finances to the dollar and by running a small prepper set up, seeking answers in podcast and books and scouring my preferred internet sites daily, trying to intellectualize our existence and share pontifications with the very rare person of like mind while keeping a baseline of hermetic isolation,…. I imagine that I hurt people through my isolationism and self-protection. Maybe that’s my substitute for learning how to better manage conflict. To me, I’d rather just tolerate annoyances or walk away and let people have their own lives. But maintaining a low energy state doesn’t do much for long-term relationship building.
Our substitutions list could probably be endless. This is simultaneously occurring in an era without historical guidance. Millenia of humanity just hit a century (and especially the last quarter century) of a hyper-novel environment with technological changes to which we cannot easily adapt (a theme of A Hunter-Gatherer’s Guide to the 21st Century: Evolution and the Challenges of Modern Life – Heying and Weinstein). We are nowhere near the point of processing how to deal with, or especially raise children in, the digital, internet, financialized, social media, face-device fusion, censorship vs open speech, surveillance, perma-online environment.
Additionally, I think that global and national economic factors play a larger role than most can grasp. The setup of governments’ controls of money has forever been the cycle of money expansion, printing, coin clipping, devaluation, inflation, gutting the middle class, handing the free stuff to the lower classes to keep them controlled, shuffling the wealth towards the top, and ultimately collapsing society and empire – every f*cking time. The United State is in that “Fourth Turning” now, the self-imposed destructive cycle of civilizations. It is the “strong men make strong societies make weak men make weak societies” cycle… and we’re at the weak-weak part.
The particular economic impact on current generations is that it is especially difficult to save anything being that inflation will devalue the purchasing power of a savings account at a far greater rate than the savings interest rate can build it. Sand in an hour glass. It is nearly impossible to accumulate enough to own anything (especially a house to start a family, at record housing prices), difficult to even borrow to purchase (e.g. a car) because of high interest rates, and thus ultimately nearly impossible to create families and offspring. Who can afford them, unless you’re living off of the government, which is its own set of problems? This has created primarily a renter’s and mortgagor’s debt society in which no one really owns anything. Like the globalist World Economic Forum has promoted: “You will own nothing, and you will be happy.” Doubtful. Unsurprisingly, the resultant anxiety and uncertainty intimidate the most thoughtful and cautious of humans as they consider life, career, marriage, and kids.
Let’s add in a few more ingredients to the mix:
“Higher education” is basically a fraud. The extreme cost and debt burden required to obtain a credential, in most cases, add little to no ability to think better, know more, or improve one’s utility, marketability, or offering to society. University has become a financial cancer (aside from a waste of time and an indoctrination, mind-virus camp). However, there has been no clear replacement for career paths. Certainly, the blue collar fields now seem like a safer bet for financial risk and for resilience to AI encroachment. But, there is no broad societal push to help young people find their paths to independence. Rather, it seems there is greater interest in perpetuating “education” and dependency to the age of 30. There is also now very little hope for what has long been the “American Dream” – to do better than your parents did, to have the opportunity to create wealth through your hard work, or for legal immigrants to arrive to this soil and add value to society and next generations.
Globally, our societies are increasingly lawless – mostly due to the politically motivated careerists and judges who apply the law unequally, funded by non-transparent and revolutionary-driven NGOs and “non-profits.” Criminals often walk out of jail and repeat their offenses of thefts, burglary, rape, violent assaults, and murder. The citizen that resists the criminal often ends up with greater legal difficulty than the perpetrator. Surely, society was not entirely fair before. Now, it is bizarro, inverse world. We have arrived at the point that I read about in Atlas Shrugged almost 20 years ago, “When you see that trading is done, not by consent, but by compulsion – when you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from men who produce nothing – when you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in goods, but in favors – when you see that men get richer by graft and by pull than by work, and your laws don’t protect you against them, but protect them against you – when you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming a self-sacrifice – you may know that your society is doomed.”
The porn, Only Fans, swipe-right-on-Tinder options for sexual outlet and dating have hastened the destruction of male/female relationships. Sure, men can be base, but you “ladies” are making the content, getting paid, and trolling for the next catch. You’re right in the muck with the pigs. You ladies have the power to redeem, to demand more, to withhold the baby making, to inspire. You are not doing that. We currently have a nice blend of toxic masculinity and malignant matriarchy – congratulations. You need to fix that. Women have incredible power. Somehow, they have been brainwashed into thinking that their power is exerted in stupid jobs and in the board rooms. Wrong. That power is your ability to magnetize your men, your families, and your societies. You’re failing. I’ve watched aimless young men snap into high-production mode once they are engaged or married. Give them a reason. If you think that men are the weaker or the toxic sex, you certainly are not doing your part to mold them into the examples and leaders that they should be to their sons and families. Meanwhile, the population rate collapses, and society is going to sh*t.
It makes me think of the Mouse Utopia Experiment, where they put a bunch of rodents in a large group setting, met all of their needs for food and shelter, then the colony populated to a point of crowding, got violent, isolationist, stopped reproducing, and imploded to zero. We’re in a weird place in our populous, developed world where even those labelled the most poor are often provided an unbelievable degree of clothing, food, recreations, shelter, temperature control, electricity, running hot water, free time, comfort, even luxury,… and often at little to no personal expense. Meanwhile, despite the material well-being, we are more resentful, violent, and isolated than ever. And the fattest ever in the history of world. And not too quick on the literacy or numeracy, either. Rich, but fat and dumb. That won’t last.
Here’s a grab bag of kooky crap that destabilizes society: the elevation of every sexual kink and oddity to its own protected civil rights status; pushing gender dysphoria on kids – especially at schools; the takeover of schools and universities by leftist, post-modernist, and Marxist ideologues; favoring migrant and minority status and their incompatible religions (just investigate what the “old religions” think are their rights over the non-believers – because they just may think that you are the lowest of garbage); the abandonment of the fundamental ideas upon which Western Society and the last few centuries’ progress have been founded (individual rights, the equal application of the rule of law, speech, property, self-defense, an objective search for truth and the scientific method, work and merit, the framework to abolish slave systems in the West while they continue through much of the East and Africa); the general leftist ideology of permanent revolution to destroy associations, traditions, culture, family, and religion, and to reorder society by whatever forces can acquire the most Power at the moment. (Didn’t work so great for the hundreds of millions starved, work-camped to death, and shot under the regimes of Mao, Stalin, Pol Pot… but history doesn’t seem too much of a concern these days.)
So, all of these factors play into our anxieties, problems, confusions, frustrations, anger, and interpersonal conflict. Our lives today may often be more substitution than substance, more replacement than meaning, more filler than purpose. In this morass of chaos, how do we resolve conflicts, work towards some solutions, and begin to create some order?
Some ideas, mostly for myself, but damn, they’d sure help the general population:
– Reduce clutter, noise, distraction, screens
– Filter information flows (especially from social media) with healthy skepticism
– Read more meaningful books
– Live beneath our means (or at least minimize low-value purchases)
– Consider more often the decades-long view (long term gain over short term gratification)
– Reconsider how much value/weight we give to situations and if they may be way out of balance with reality
– Consider that I may be wrong about a lot of things, that my perceptions may be off, that I may feel more certain than is warranted
– Consider that everyone presents with their substitutions, altered valuations, varied communication styles, personality issues and sometimes personality disorders
– Consider that many people walk around with odd world views, entrenched defense mechanisms, unfortunate childhoods, hurts, and distrust
– Given the above, incorporate some flexibility and grace for others
– Individual levels of empathy and development are gradations. Many cap out early and low, while some may be at levels above me. Distinct from the concept of careful kindness towards others, be very cautious to extend “empathy” to those at a low level who will cause harms and loss through their confluence of immediate gratification, extreme self-interest, disregard for others, and society’s erroneously suspended consequences for their misbehavior. In other words, you think you’re doing good, but you’re causing a problem. While this could be a general facilitation/co-dependency issue, a major example of this catastrophe is the opening up of societies’ arms to persons wholly incompatible with living in a structured society: e.g. can’t wait in a line, have aggression control problems, take a sh*t in the street, steal, defraud, won’t learn the language, won’t work, have no plan to ever contribute but only consume the social services, rape, exert violence, hurt kids, etc. Yes, there is a lot of that. Look at Britain right now. Their culture is at the point of annihilation. Don’t be stupid and short-sighted. We should consider a 360-degree empathy which includes an awareness of the consequences perpetrated upon the innocent bystander that you set in motion with your initial, poorly considered “empathy.” Per Adam Smith, “Mercy to the guilty is cruelty to the innocent.”
The summary point involves Religion. Religion is the capture of all of the ideas above into a Map of Meaning (a Jordan Peterson term) or a spiritual framework. Yes, we all need a religion. We all have one, already, regardless of what we call it. For a lot of people it is probably just one commandment: Get as much for Me as possible.
I continue to struggle with religion and meanings. Really, it weighs on me daily. I’ve rejected a bunch of claims over the decades, continue to read how the ancients ordered their world and sought meaning, and maintain an open mind for an organizing force and purpose.
Of all available options that I see, Christianity seems the only general religion that is compatible with the advance of humanity and the tenets of Western Society (as described above). And, yes, I am well aware of some Christian groups today that cause more conflict than they resolve. In contrast to Christianity, the Old Religions (Old Laws) are based on extreme, violent tribalism and the “othering” of the outside groups (infidels and goyim) to the point of justifying, if not promoting, the defrauding, manipulation, expulsion, enslavement, rape, and destruction of the outsiders. That doesn’t really help my quest for a peaceful life. Jesus Christ, on the other hand, is purported to have fulfilled the Old Law, to have opened the opportunity for grace, forgiveness, and acceptance for those that would live a compatible life. In that case, I am at least culturally Christian.
It is not clear to me which is the Origin and which the replacement. Is Religion the ultimate substitution for Meaning and Purpose – the short cut? Or are all of these substitutions and searches the futile attempt to fill the void that Religion leaves when we do not accept it? Wait, I just got confused. Regardless, I’m looking for purpose, guiding principles, a direction in which to advance, some insight into what is important, how to appropriately weigh/value the things around me, a broader understanding of the universe, etc. With so much chaos and divergence, how could everything and everyone not be in conflict? We humans share almost no unifying principles or common compass whatsoever at this point. Nietzsche recognized long ago that humanity had functionally killed God along with the tenets which held society together. Basically, now we just live in a fractured, self-indulgent world of Marxism and masturbation. We should probably fix that.
I think that we’re all pretty much on our own to figure out what qualifies as meaningful, and to identify the substitutes that we’re using as placeholders in those voids.
Good luck on your dragon quest. Maybe we’ll meet up somewhere for a meaningful, low-conflict encounter if we can figure out what’s important and what we’re even bothering about.
T.